Reflections

My son .... needs to feel success, ownership, responsibility. Also probably needs some coaching in how to stand up for himself more. I keep reminding myself he's a young fellow, and not to be either too hard on him or expect too much, too soon. I am proud that he did what he could at his first soccer game today, especially in the 90+ degree heat.

I would like to spend time with him each day doing something he enjoys AND needs to learn. The list is bewilderingly long. Guitar? Soccer? Throwing and catching balls? Reading? Writing? Spelling? Where am I going to find that time?

Also starting to think about our eventual home/work/school location, which may be in Palo Alto or thereabouts, for sheer convenience. By this time next year, I suppose we will want to have made the move. Am freaked out by the idea of leaving the only family home we've ever had; the place we brought both of our kids home to from the hospital; from our neighborhood and the people we know. Am equally dismayed at the idea of a 17 mile commute north to SF for work/preschool, and a 20 mile commute south to PA for elementary school events.

Lastly, have even begun to reconsider the childcare situation. Managing another employee is stressful, particularly on top of responding to the doctors, the dentists, the coaches, the teachers, the other parents, all of whom generate requests and inquiries because of our kids' lives. I'd be a lot happier if I could just ... not have this extra person to manage. I am ashamed to say it because I realize how totally ungrateful I am being. I'm lucky to be able to afford the help financially; I guess I'm seeing that I might be less able to afford the other requirements, such as the patience and energy to manage and direct this person.

It's a time for looking at alternatives and different paths.