A Quick Look Back (Where Did 2010 Go?)

December 2009 - We moved to Palo Alto. Repainted all the rooms. Both kids in new schools. Unpacking begins. Escape to San Diego just to get away from all the boxes and packing paper.

January 2010 - Unpacking continues. Figuring out all the home operations systems. Got the kids re-settled into schools after vacation.

February 2010 - Unpacking continues. Stager comes to place furniture and art. Interview landscape designers and elicit some potential big picture changes that could really improve our outdoor space. Son turns 7. Ski season begins, and I take the kids to Tahoe myself while husband attends a conference in Barcelona. Put up shelving in garage and clear enough space to park the Jensen Healy in it. (No comment.)

March 2010 - Unpacking just about finished. Attend an art-viewing party at a neighbor's, and fall in love with several paintings. Husband haggles like a pro and we get them for a fraction of the original quoted cost. Have hideous plants removed from yards -- hedges, roses, fruit trees and unidentified ugly stuff.

April 2010 - Intensive iterations with landscape designer on potential deck remodel and front yard designs. Have soil turned over; buy mulch and compost and drive it home in giant diesel truck for soil remediation. Have concrete sections removed in preparation for deck remodel. New couch arrives after 3 month delay. Deck remodel begins. New patio door ordered. Researched and selected plants, dug holes and planted them. Thinned out branches in front yard Japanese maple. Discovered a great re-use for side yard flagstones in the front yard as pavers. Ordered sideboard for living room.

May 2010 - Deck remodel complete, front yard bench built, and patio doors installed -- stucco and door paint next week. Added deck lights to original design. Tossed in a kids' play platform / treehouse. Mulched front yard plants by hand. Began trimming side yard plants and huge wall of ivy.

COMING SOON: Console table for front living room. Sideboard (need to figure out how to get it home from store). Moving secretary downstairs, after transferring wineglasses and table linens to sideboard. Lamps for sideboard. Revised resume and networking meetings.

COMING A LITTLE LATER: Turn over soil in the backyard and add compost/mulch. Add azaleas and a madrone tree. Plant vines with scent, such as jasmine.

Because It's Almost Mother's Day

In mid-May there's so much focus on heroic examples of motherhood. I know first-hand that they're well-deserved. Parenting is harder than anyone ever talks about BEFORE one becomes a parent. Like a secret society of sufferers. But upon a bit a reflection, maybe the thanks should go to the kids. Because here's what I've learned since becoming a parent:

• Since birth, my kids have been a constant, pressing reason to become the better person that I am so desperate to be. For their sake, because their lives are so clearly my highest priority. [How high continues to surprise me. Before having kids I didn't know it was possible to put others before oneself so utterly and without thinking, and on so many levels.]
• I've been forced to mature quickly, to develop much deeper and authentic empathy, and to take the long view.
• I've had to accept who they are now (i.e. NOT me), and accept that they will change (i.e. still not me) throughout their lives. It's obvious how important it is to stay on top of who they are now and to let go of the past, while not forgetting it or honoring it.
  
• Hardest of all, I've had to give up senseless fantasies of mega-good looks, unusual athleticism, extraordinary academic prowess, and insta-musicianship plus a clear shot to Harvard. I've had to learn to be proud of their effort and progress.
• I've had to look hard at myself and my sense of shame and disappointment because my son has learning differences -- potentially dyslexia -- and to believe, honestly and without being a martyr or a Pollyanna, that he can still achieve whatever he decides he wants to pursue. Even if it means taking a different path or being harder than what my life has led me to expect. Because my life experiences aren't going to be so directly applicable to his. So I need to set a good example and be a good learner with a great attitude about trying, erring and getting up to try again.

So with all that, how does a card addressed to a "super mother" make any sense? The real thanks goes to my children for holding up the mirror and being an unrelenting, clear-eyed, yet forgiving feedback loop that plays 24/7. So there's no opportunity for self-delusion, and frankly, no time for self-pity. Just get on the improvement train.