Because It's Almost Mother's Day

In mid-May there's so much focus on heroic examples of motherhood. I know first-hand that they're well-deserved. Parenting is harder than anyone ever talks about BEFORE one becomes a parent. Like a secret society of sufferers. But upon a bit a reflection, maybe the thanks should go to the kids. Because here's what I've learned since becoming a parent:

• Since birth, my kids have been a constant, pressing reason to become the better person that I am so desperate to be. For their sake, because their lives are so clearly my highest priority. [How high continues to surprise me. Before having kids I didn't know it was possible to put others before oneself so utterly and without thinking, and on so many levels.]
• I've been forced to mature quickly, to develop much deeper and authentic empathy, and to take the long view.
• I've had to accept who they are now (i.e. NOT me), and accept that they will change (i.e. still not me) throughout their lives. It's obvious how important it is to stay on top of who they are now and to let go of the past, while not forgetting it or honoring it.
  
• Hardest of all, I've had to give up senseless fantasies of mega-good looks, unusual athleticism, extraordinary academic prowess, and insta-musicianship plus a clear shot to Harvard. I've had to learn to be proud of their effort and progress.
• I've had to look hard at myself and my sense of shame and disappointment because my son has learning differences -- potentially dyslexia -- and to believe, honestly and without being a martyr or a Pollyanna, that he can still achieve whatever he decides he wants to pursue. Even if it means taking a different path or being harder than what my life has led me to expect. Because my life experiences aren't going to be so directly applicable to his. So I need to set a good example and be a good learner with a great attitude about trying, erring and getting up to try again.

So with all that, how does a card addressed to a "super mother" make any sense? The real thanks goes to my children for holding up the mirror and being an unrelenting, clear-eyed, yet forgiving feedback loop that plays 24/7. So there's no opportunity for self-delusion, and frankly, no time for self-pity. Just get on the improvement train.