I'm a Reeeeally Slow Learner

I'm 3 weeks into my leave of absence. Here's what I have observed so far:

1) I'm results-oriented to the point of being tiresome. Preferably instant results.

2) I'm a time fiend, always checking my watch and calculating how much I can get done in the always-insufficient time available. Then I try to mash it all in and wonder why I am stressed.

3) I could laugh a lot more. Like 98% more.

4) I'm honestly burnt out from my current organization. It's a combination of being stifled personally (in communication and in creativity or experimentation) and not being respected or credited for results that I produced.

5) I love endorphins. Because I haven't exercised my body or built up my strength in the last 4 years, I'd completely forgotten about endorphins.

6) It's okay to contribute to your family by making everyone happy instead of making significant career or professional progress, or even money. Despite the deep and deepening recession, sometimes happiness is the best product.

7) I'm starting to think more solidly about what kind of life I want to have lived when I'm facing my last breaths. No flippant comments; I'm really facing the matter now. How do I want my husband and kids to think of me? How do I want to think of myself? What is really important to have accomplished and to have said, "no thanks, I'll pass" to?

8) I'm pretty sure it's not going to be okay to do anything where I can't really be myself. Fully. My zany, offbeat, wisecracking, outspoken, profane, passionate, compassionate, hard-nosed, c'mon c'mon c'mon let's GO damn it self. The one who says the emperor has no clothes about 9 minutes into the meeting.

9) A very insightful friend told me today, "your kids aren't going to be young forever, you know". I think he was trying to say that I should make them a priority while it might really matter, and while they might actually WANT to spend time with me. Because when they turn 11 I think they just want an ATM and a chauffeur.

10) I'm scared out of my mind that I might not figure out what I want to do in a way that I could actually do it, in a practical sense, and make a career and living out of it. It's good to admit this fear.